It seems to be a common expression I hear among many who would be considered “saints” in the biblical sense of that word that they often feel like a fraud. The holy persona they show at church doesn’t reflect the person they know they are in the middle of the night.

Well I have news for you: that doesn’t get better as you walk longer with the Lord at least not in my 43 years experience.

When I was a young Christian many years ago an old saint said something similar to me. I can’t remember who it was but I remember what they said: “The old man doesn’t get any better as you get older, he actually gets more corrupt.” Somehow in the years of holiness teaching that I experienced along the way I lost sight of that. In my case I didn’t lose sight of it for too long. I could never reach the artificial standards of behaviour that such groups set, I would quickly say the wrong thing and prove to those around me what they always suspected: I hadn’t attained to the holy life/ wasn’t really born again/ wasn’t baptised in the Spirit/ wasn’t of the first fruits. If you have experienced that type of judgmental atmosphere in a church then you will know what I mean.

I was having a conversation with someone recently about this. She felt a fraud because of the desires and thoughts and some actions she had carried out that were obviously not meeting the standards that the bible sets. Welcome to the club was my response.

The answer to this dilemma is beautiful. It is a three stage process:

1. Put off the old man. It’s getting worse, being corrupted like a rotting corpse (a body of sin) by deceitful lusts. These lusts deceive you into thinking you can get some benefit out of indulging them. Like a zombie the old man resurrects itself out of the muck and comes back to haunt us whenever it can. There is only one cure for it – crucifixion. Deny yourself, take up the cross and follow Jesus.
2. Change your thinking. In fact change the whole spirit of the way you are thinking about these things. Eat Jesus’ flesh and drink His blood. Fall in love with Him again as you consider how amazing He is and what He has done for you. Be thankful for eternal life. He promises He will raise you up on the last day (whenever that will be).
3. Put on the new man. If you don’t feel holy pretend you are by clothing your self with the character and actions that Jesus is and would do. That’s what I am doing as I write this. Paul’s two prayers in his letter to the Ephesians are pointed at enabling you to see what this means and to be empowered to carry it out. They are good ones to pray for those you love.

You really don’t need to know what I was thinking in the middle of the night last night. What you need from me, and I need from you, is encouragement to live a holy life. The consequences of sin are too serious. Make no mistake, we are in a battle for our minds, souls and lives.

But it’s alright Jesus has got this. He isn’t disillusioned with you, He had no illusions in the first place.

For those who are not so familiar with what the bible says or are skeptical about my knowledge of it here are some references you can look up: Ephesians 1:17-23; 3:14-21; 4: 22-24; John 6: Romans 7-8. Or as a poster campaign I am seeing around the place says succinctly: “Read your bible.”